Let's Get Serious for a Moment (no midweek mealtime this week)

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

So, I want to take a couple minutes to talk about something very near and dear to my heart and my journey.  I promise this story has a happy ending, but there are parts that aren't.  I want to tell you a little bit about where I came from and what I've overcome.

We're going to take a trip back in time, ok?  The time was June, 2008.  I had been working my butt off (literally) with weights and running, all while starting out as a brand spanking new nurse.  Things were going GREAT on the surface.  I had attained everything I had set out to at that point, and I looked like this:

Sweet, right?  Unfortunately, I was on the edge of a cliff.  My marriage was in trouble; my best friend at the time came out and told me she was in love with me; and I desperately wanted to switch places with my patients who were intubated and sedated.  At times I even desperately wished to be one of the patients we withdrew care on - in other words I had a very powerful passive death wish.  I was miserable - all the time.  Because I was a nurse, I only worked three days a week - which meant, I only showered and got out of bed three days a week.  I didn't take care of myself AT ALL.  I had no energy, no drive, and no smile - which, if you know me, is a HUGE deviation from my normal self. 

It took months for me to admit I had a problem (have I mentioned how stubborn I am?), and even longer for my husband to admit it.  I also HATE asking for help.  Eventually, I made an appointment with my pastor at the time where he made a bunch of promises regarding recommendations and things to help.  That was in September.  Long story short, he dropped the ball and NEVER followed up with me - which only served to reinforce my warped views on my self-worth as well as professional help.  I decided to try my PCP in December of that year at my husband's urging.  To his immense credit, he was trying so hard to be everything I needed, but he just couldn't.  So, that December, I made an appointment with my PCP and ended up with a prescription for an antidepressant and a referral for a therapist. 

I hated the idea of both little pieces of paper, but I started the Lexapro immediately.  I didn't start seeing the therapist for another few months.  I began to feel better, but I was still lost.  I didn't care - about anything.  And then something amazing happened.  Therapy started to work for me!  I began to change my way of thinking; I began to take charge of my perspective. 

Emotionally, I began to heal.  I learned what my "triggers" were (lack of sleep = #1!).  I withdrew from toxic and negative people.  And after 1 year, I got off the medication.  After switching jobs and another year of therapy (which, if you're keeping track, brings us to the summer of 2011), I was well enough to stop seeing my psychiatrist.

Unfortunately, I regained the 40 pounds that I had worked so hard to lose...and then some.  I tried to  get back on the horse, so to speak, but I just couldn't get the momentum going again.  I would be consistent for a week or two at most but then I would fall back into my previous patterns.  Honestly?  I still wasn't ready.  I didn't care that I was pushing 200 pounds.  I didn't care how I looked.  I was still just wrapped up in getting through the day.

Fast-forward a bit more to the next winter, when I joined my first challenge group.  It was a workout-specific group, and I ended up not liking the workout that I had purchased, but I DID like the challenge group environment.  Here was something special.  Here was something I needed.  Yes, there was the consistency of working out and posting about my food, but there was so much more than that. There was a sense of community.  There was this group of women who had similar aims to get their bodies under control.  These were real people who checked in with me.  Eventually I decided to become a coach simply for the discount on Shakeology.  I wasn't interested at that time in actively coaching - after all, *I* couldn't possibly add one more thing to my plate.  Also *I* couldn't inspire someone else - I wasn't where I needed to be yet!  And then I found myself wanting to.  So last fall - 5 years after my spiral into darkness - I started actively coaching.  Am I where I want to be yet?  No.  Am I closer than I was last summer?  Heck yes!  Is there a difference between 5 years ago and now?  You bet!!  To what do I owe that physical - and emotional - progress?  Professional help when I needed it, and now Beachbody coaching.  Because those relationships?  They lasted.  And now?  I am part of a team that knows me, that cares about my successes and my failures.  A team that allows me to vent and then proceeds to lift me up and redirect my focus.  A team of imperfect people who are out to change the world, one life at a time.

And I wouldn't trade that for the world.  

Want to join us?  I'd love to hear from you!  But maybe you're not ready (it took me awhile!).  Maybe you'd like to check into this whole challenge group thing.  I'd love to hear from you, too - my next group starts next Monday!  Get in touch with me; I'd love for you to experience the awesomeness that is the Knockout Brigade!

** PLEASE READ**  If you can identify with anything I have just written, please, please, please don't wait like I did.  Please get help.  There IS hope!  There is another side to the valley you are in!  And THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!  

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  1. Absolutely loved reading this Jenn. Your an amazing person for sure.



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