Yesterday the calendar told me I was one year closer to being "old."  I am one step closer to middle-age, closer to 40 than 30 now.  I won't lie - birthdays aren't as fun of a reminder as they used to be.  There were things I had assumed would happen by an arbitrary time that - for whatever reason still haven't happened.  Each birthday is a not-so-happy reminder of those things.  I can understand why birthdays can be a bummer for some.

Even with those reminders, though, I truly love birthdays.  They are another built-in period to stop, to reflect, and to learn.

As I was thinking of what to write for today, I realized that the biggest lesson I've learned over the last year is to simply be who I am.  To not care what everyone else is doing.  To not try to keep up with someone else...

It's a hard lesson to learn, to be sure.  It's very easy to get carried by a rising tide.  The thing about tides?  They often leave you somewhere you really didn't want to be - and definitely not somewhere you had planned.  They dump you on a rocky shore and then take off for somewhere else - with someone else. Sometimes when that happens, you end up somewhere amazing - completely by chance.  Unfortunately, what happens most often is you wake up and really don't know where you are - or possibly even who you are.  And getting back to where you want to be?  It's a lot harder than you were prepared for.

This lesson applies to SO MUCH in my life right now:  my career, my fitness, my relationships...and - most importantly - to my own self-image.  Let's take fitness for example, since, you know, this *is* a health and fitness blog first of all.  Back in January, ShaunT released a new program:  Transform:20.  It was a step program and one I was truly excited for.  It was brand new.  So many of my friends were doing it.  It was ShaunT, and I could finish THIS one.  But it was still cardio.  Despite my love for all things weights, I did the program.  And I enjoyed it, for the most part.  But to be honest?  It just wasn't me.  I wasn't being true to me...and in the process, I lost a TON of strength.  When I went back to a program with weights, I was shocked at how light I had to lift in most muscle groups.  Can I be honest?  Lifting as lightly as I had to was more disappointing to me than if I had never finished a ShaunT program.

Over the last several weeks, I've found myself gravitating toward a me that feels more authentic, more natural.  Yes, I've gone back to my weights (today is week 2, day 1 of LIIFT4).  I spent this last weekend making use of my "birthday juju" doing things that were truly in alignment with who I am.  Things like hiking with the pups, going to the zoo, and watching the dancing water in Station Square. It was the best weekend the mister and I have had in over 2 months.  Was it because I got whatever I wanted?  No, absolutely not.  It was, however, because I was more me than I have been - and he appreciated it.

So this year?  This year the lesson is to truly be who I am, warts and all.  What about you?  Do you find yourself straying from what makes you "you"?  Do you seem to be losing yourself?  I have a challenge for you: